Batman #68 (2016)
Written by Tom King
Artwork by Amanda Conner
Colors by Paul Mounts
Chef’s Note: First of all – I love this scene of Lois and Selina getting absolutely wrecked at Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. While comics can certainly address and tell stories about serious issues, they can also just be good fun, and this story is definitely that.
And too – this scene is a scholar’s dream! Everything being imbibed is so precisely named! All thanks to the Superman-bots following standard wine service protocol:
Assuming that appropriate, polished glassware is already at the table, approach the host with the bottle of wine he or she ordered. Treat the bottle gently, as though it were special and delicate. Tip the bottle’s top back, toward your body, with the body of the bottle cradled in your arm, label side facing the host. “Present” the bottle to him or her by standing at his or her right side and restate the name of the wine including the varietal, brand, and vintage. (All beverage service occurs from the right of the guest, with your right hand, unlike food service, which is from the left with the left hand). The host will nod or gesture that the wine is what was expected. This is your cue to begin opening.
All that said, I must confess here that while pursuing my initial PhD in Comic Book Food Archaeology at ESU I may have… um…. skipped a lot of Superman studies? I am regretting this mightily now because I can only imagine the stories each one of these wines has to tell. But I will do my best to tease out whatever meanings I can.
- New Genesis: This homeworld of the New Gods is “a veritable paradise covered in lush forests and grasslands” so a vintage claiming to be “sparkling bliss” seems quite appropriate.
- Mogo: A “living” Riesling – what could this mean? One thing about Riesling’s, they are “highly ‘terroir-expressive’, meaning that the character of Riesling wines is greatly influenced by the wine’s place of origin.” So, given that Mogo is a living planet, I am going to assume that the Riesling produced there apparently contains &/or evokes some of this living energy.
- Saturn: Smoked wine, while not so popular today, has been a thing since the Romans. What “Red Spot smoked” means, though, is a puzzler. I suppose if we follow the example of the fumarium, then perhaps it’s as simple as the pinot noir was placed above or near the Spot and left there to mature. Hope you like ammonium hydrosulfide!
- Oa: This is the homeworld of the Green Lantern Corps and… oh, look: There’s a whole Green Lantern story called No Fear! Which Superman does not appear in at all… hmph.
- Durla: The “Unstable” here is likely in reference to the fact that Durlans are shapeshifters – “their physical appearance is in constant flux, meaning no need to take a single form.“
- Bismoll: Ok, Bismoll is where Matter-Eater Lad is from so that’s why it’s just a bunch of diamonds. Because those dudes just like eating rocks.
- Dominion: This is the homeworld of some folks called The Dominators, so you can probably guess what the general socio-cultural climate is like. Also, Sange de vaincus means “blood of the defeated, the vanquished” – which pretty much tells you all you need to know.
- Khundia: Easily the best named wine here (and the coolest bottle!) but, sadly, other than the fact that Khundians are “notable for extreme violence“, I can’t find much else as to its back story.
- The Reach: Another bunch of violent jerks bent on conquering and domination and the like. And then there’s a puzzling reference to “beetle juice”? Is there a meaning for this other than, y’know, something involving the actual Beetlejuice?
- Mars: This I would like to believe has something to do with Superman’s friendship with J’onn Jones. Earth & Mars deciding to assert coexistence – that would be an amazing moment. But maybe it has more to do with White & Green Martians?
- Tamaran: Ah, the planet of the golden skinned sex gods. Of course they have a beverage called “The Rapturous Tears of God” – probably a sex reference, about sexy sex.
- Chateau Cheval Blanc is a real wine on planet Earth. The 1945 vintage apparently “suffered a certain heterogeneity“. No idea why someone gave Superman a bottle. Some kind of veiled diss?
Are you a Superman scholar that can provide more information here? If so, please do!
Update: Is it just me or do Lois and Selina look a lot like Maggie and Hopey in that last panel?
mogo – the grapes will have been part of him. everything on the planet is him. it’s like eating fruit that gaea herself grew.
saturn – both saturn and jupiter have a red spot which is a giant (continent sized) persistent lightning firestorm. ostensibly it’s like smoking food in a permanent forest fire, or the russian gateway to hell, or centralia pennsylvania. note that in the current mainline the saturn red storm is actually a mirage, so that has to be the jupiter red spot. since jupiter doesn’t have any major species, that’s probably either a pre-flashpoint new earth bottle, but might even be a pre-crisis red saturnian bottle. that bottle survived a reboot
oa – they’re a major race, there’s thousands of pieces of content about them. it’s much easier to find them under the name “guardians of the universe.” superman interacts with them a lot, particularly ganthet, sayd, and kronus. they, as a whole, are one of the very few things that could stop superman if he went ape. (they usually fail – see superboy prime, q, h’el, doomsday, etc. they couldn’t even stop 1 million with all the entities, the white lantern, volthoom, and by opening the inner gate, lol)
durla – it’s not just the durlans, it’s all life on durla, most of which is wiped out. it’s a survival strategy after the Six Minute War, where a nuclear war and a reality bomb war happened at the same time, and all matter is in constant decay planet-wide
bismoll – a villain who later became a hero decided to invade earth by going back in time and putting mutants on weird planets all around earth, forcing everyone to evolve weird powers to survive. on one of them, the local bacteria turned all food into poison, so they altered their dna to be able to eat rock, because that’s, uh, something you can do in the two weeks before you starve to death, i guess. interestingly, everything on that planet is pink, and the scientist who changed their dna was named pepto. yes, it’s … yes.
dominion – they’re marshmallow peep looking space vampires. they were the big bad dc-wide at the end of the 1980s. everything about them sucks. of course they drink blood.
khundia – unfortunately sort of racially stereotyped, they’re basically the jem hadar, and the dominion is the dominators. because instead of shapeshifters it’s vampires, but let’s be honest, it’s the same thing, it’s big spooky evil weak guys who hide, use intrigue, and throw the impossibly tough subordinate race at you when it’s time to fight. They have a few Lanterns, they’re mostly found in Legion of Superheroes from the 1980s, they’re just sort of a disposable “and this planet also exists,” and they’re neither particularly ahead of or behind anybody. Ostensibly in the past they were a great and feared warrior culture, but then they were one of the planets Doomsday mostly wiped out, and they’re just getting back on their feet in what is for us the modern day
the reach – one of the durable major background villains in dc, similar to the skrulls. they made the beetle scarab that Blue Beetle uses – that’s their general invasion format, is to throw those on a planet and take over the minds of the wearer, and he’s just managed to build a relationship with his. they’re what would happen if roaches became smart and invented iron man. they drink beetle juice because they are beetles. fun thing – there’s a beetlejuice comic that was published by harvey comics, which dc bought and made officially canon; it’s in the next universe over from the zoo crew. in there, beetlejuice has a busted up scarab, and when asked about it, says he got in a fight over naming rights (and then it’s just never explained.) therefore beetlejuice knows about the beetles. the reach are the big bad in the justice league cartoon variations several times, were a major part of the sinestro corps war, factor into blue beetle heavily for obvious reasons, and weirdly, show up in the cartoon batman the brave and the bold a lot
mars – jonn j’onzz is a green martian, so your choice between him and green martians isn’t necessary. if it’s 206 years old, the white martians and red martians were long gone by then, as were the fenris, leaving green martian. that said – since there’s a bottle here from a previous retconning, it’s worth noting that that’s what silver age yellow martian stuff looked like, so that might be from earth-2
tamaran – the rapturous tears of the gods are a vintage made for when the royal family’s daughter, who you call starfire, fought her way out of the slavery her father sold her into to stop the war with the citadel, and returned to free her own planet. it’s rare because the psions, the only successful reptile alien race in the history of dc comics, blew up the relevant planet
chateau cheval blanc was in a bad weather year for france. that’s good for wine prices – it means most of the bottles have to be thrown away (you can tell which ones are bad without opening them.) it was especially rough because that was world war 2, the germans were occupying le fronce, and very few people were making wine. that’s one of the most expensive bottles that exists
I’m only seeing this now but I still must voice my sincere gratitude that a real Superman scholar took the time to comment here. Thanks John! Your thoughts and insights are very appreciated.